A few months ago, on Shalom Mama, I read about something called Project 333. I like to think of myself as a minimalist, but after spending 5 days with my in-laws, I doubt I qualify. I grew up on a different planet, but I love they way they live. My youngest sister, who spent a lot of time with my in-laws when she was in college in Stillwater, OK, can attest to the fact that there is an unparalleled peace in their home. There is no pretension, no chaos, no frills and no expectations. My mother-in-law dresses nicely for work, my father-in-law does too, wearing one of 2 pair of identical pants and one of 3 identical shirts. When relaxing, Julie always wears a pair of her running pants and a lightweight t-shirt. Her only accessory, “You’re naked without a necklace.”

Their home is quiet and spacious. There’s a futon to sit on in the living room and only a tiny 13″ TV if you must watch something. If there are too many people to squeeze on the futon, feel free to pull up a floor cushion! I’ve never heard anyone complain. Instead, the feeling of family togetherness is enhanced by fewer distractions.

So, back to Project 333. There are levels to the program, but I’ll start with the basics: Whittle down my wardrobe to 33 items of clothing (including jewelry, outerwear and shoes) for 3 months. I like to think I don’t have too many clothes, but the truth is I frequently find items I had forgotten I owned. Really, I don’t WEAR too many clothes, it’s easiest just to wear the same things over and over.

So, I guess this qualifies as a New Year’s resolution, or a three-month resolution. Do you think I can do it? Do you want to join me? I will add on the resolution to actually take more pictures. That way I can show you what I’m doing. You can laugh at my incongruous outfits or compliment me on my simple style.

Next week, I will lay out the schedule for February’s posts. However, I will commit now to sharing my Project 333 progress with you each Friday. Wish me luck!

John, I just have too much going on. I have so many commitments and only 24 hours a day and as much as I love working at South Run, I just can’t do it!

Ok, I changed my mind. I enjoy the income and it’s not that many hours. Can I just work on Monday and not on Saturday?

Wait, wait, wait. I need to just quit working. Can I just volunteer? I need the flexibility.

OK, I’m really, really sorry. Just ignore all previous emails and I’ll keep working my regular schedule. Sorry, I’m just over dramatic and easily ruffled. I just had to catch back up with life after being out of town for 2 weeks. I’ll be OK.

What’s really embarrassing, is that I’ve done all this before, at other jobs. I have also applied, gotten hired, panicked and quit before I ever started. I know, by now you’re convinced that I’m a total flake and you’re really glad that I’m not working for you. Right?

Most of my extracurricular activities revolve around my desire to serve Christ and others for the benefit of His kingdom. Whenever I am asked to serve at the church, to help with a particular ministry, to encourage a downcast Christian, to volunteer somewhere or to join another Bible study, I’m loathe to decline.

By Thursday, I was laden with guilt. What kind of a witness for Christ can a flake possibly be? But is it OK to turn down the opportunity to do something for someone else or for a good cause in the name of Christ?

Anxious to serve his Master, [the Christian] finds his strength unequal to his zeal: his constant cry is, “Help me to serve thee, O my God.” If he be thoroughly active, he will have much labour; not too much for his will, but more than enough for his power, so that he will cry out, “I am not wearied of the labour, but I am wearied in it.” Ah! Christian, the hot day of weariness lasts not forever; the sun is nearing the horizon; it shall rise again with a brighter day than thou hast ever seen upon a land where they serve God day and night, and yet rest from their labours. Here, rest is but partial, there, it is perfect.  - Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening

So, in the spirit of anti-resolution, I commit to dissolve my over commitments and my self-imposed efforts to further Christ’s kingdom.

Father, use me as much as, and only as much as, you desire. And leave enough of my frail energies as to fully devote myself to fellowship with you!

We’ve still never met, but we have now exchanged cards and small gifts and I have tiny glimpse of her precious, unique personality. How big is our Awesome God!

Here’s my reply poem to her, as she recently posted one that referenced our new-found friendship.

OH my goodness, you make me smile!!
Forget the distance, the space and mile.
It takes hours, minutes or days to see,
Passing time to touch, to reach.

But a thought!
Just a moment, and it’s shared so wide.
Others we’ll never see,
Now share the love ‘tween you and me.

The Velveteen Rabbit once was told,
Reality can’t be bought or sold.
Neither can friendship, it takes belief,
I believe in you and me.

So here’s my kiss, on your precious cheek,
And I’ll squeeze your hand.
This tiny peak,
Into your soul.

Thank you for opening your heart.
Like a flower, your fragrant grace
Escaped the hours.
Of space,
Of distance, of mile.
New, old, REAL friend,
You make me smile.

We have all met (or made them ourselves) the individual swearing to start journaling this year. Or, they promise to get more rest, or get up earlier. We, or they, pledge to spend more quality time with our kids or spouse, to control our eating or spending, to get a grip on our gossip habit.

What do each of these examples have in common? We want to take control of ourselves! We long to to master our circumstances, our desires, our impulses and even our relationships.

I just picked up a new book recently. As usual, I heard the author interviewed on Janet Parshall’s show. Chantel Hobbs is the woman you want to hate. She is scary gorgeous and used to weigh 350 pounds. She’s the author of several books, the one I’m reading is called, Love Food and Live Well. 

 You know my story. I have had a ridiculous fear of food since the age of 14. So, the concept of loving food is foreign to me. I’m not interested in Hobb’s weight loss prescription. At least I didn’t think I was. But Chantel takes a whole new, holistic approach. I’m not talking about organic products, deep cleanses and special herbs. I’m talking about taking a look at your whole body, spirit and soul. Hobbs doesn’t separate the belly fat from the idolatry of food lust. She doesn’t endorse sit-ups and long-distance running, ignoring the exercise of faith. She doesn’t encourage you to get a grip on your physical appetite, while starving your spirit.

Personally, most of my recovery from anorexia has been overshadowed by the discouraging thought that I had to get my behaviors right before I could get my fellowship with God right. Once I had control of my idolatrous behaviors, THEN I could ask God to take control of my life. Do you feel that way?

Too many of us confuse love with control. In the past, most things I really loved I loved poorly. I know this becasue as I tried to control them I always felt out of control. Whether it was food, friendships, jobs, or material stuff, I lived in fear – the fear of losing whatever I was trying to possess. – Chantel Hobbs, Love Food and Live Well

Ouch. How true of my perverted love. I noticed recently that I feel angry when I think about my sisters – the three women I love more than anyone in the world. I can’t control the fact that they can see each other every single day and hold my niece or drive to my mom’s house. So, feeling disconnected and out of control way over here on the east coast, my love for them simmers – poisoned by anger.

I say that I love working out. I don’t even know if that’s true on any level. I do know that I love the feeling of being in control of my body. Take away that control, tell me I can’t exercise tomorrow or that I have to take a week off, and my “love” just might explode in deadly rage.

So, I will set a New Year’s dissolution. I resolve to dissolve control.

For many of these posts, you have endured my cloaked complaints about the ups and downs of marital bliss.  I can tick off the idiosyncrasies that I have endured but I haven’t humbly given credit to my husband’s endurance.

A prime example of his endurance and patience is our recent road-trip back to our roots in Oklahoma and Kansas. Patrick drove 20 hours each way. He stopped every 2-3 hours for my pathetic bladder. He allowed my dog to climb up, back and over the seats when he wanted to sit in my lap. He let me pack home twice as much stuff as I packed to begin the trip. And he barely complained at all!

Have you ever considered how you have benefitted from another’s endurance? I’m not just talking about putting up with you (that may or may not be a chore). Patrick and I have prospered in direct proportion to our parents’ endurance. Both of our parents’ are still married – my own just celebrated their 37th wedding anniversary! CONGRATULATIONS AND THANK YOU, DAD AND MOM! All of our grandparents honored their wedding vows well over 6 decades, till death parted them. Now, I easily run to the arms of my mom or mother-in-law with full assurance that they will advise to the preservation of my marriage – not to simply tickle my ears.

I have been noticing and admiring endurance in many aspects of life, recently. My sister, Kelsey and her husband have embarked on a long blessing that will require great endurance. I introduced you to Kylie , in November. Doubtless children demand endurance!

My youngest sister just got engaged to one of the most fantastic men. She endured a long, sometimes long-distance dating relationship while she waited for God’s perfect timing for the marriage. I’m sure these last few months of waiting for the date to arrive will seem to stretch on forever, but it will be worth it!

What are you enduring? Is it painful? Is it in high hopes of a wonderful future? Is it worth it?

As Christians, our high calling is to be Christ-like. Endurance is an indisputable requirement to imitate our savior.

Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:2

It will all be worth it.

If there is any writing project that you would like help with, please ask me, I’d love to help!

What if God gave us marriage more to make us HOLY than to make us HAPPY? ~ unknown author, taken from Judi Rossi’s book Enhancing Your Marriage

Esteem. The Bible admonishes us not to anything from selfish ambition or vain conceit. As I look back over the expensive efforts I’ve put into my marriage – be they financially, emotionally or energy expensive – I have to wonder – who was I doing this for?

It’s true that I want my marriage to honor God, but what has been my driving motivation? I recently started an online counseling program, to hold me accountable in my eating disorder recovery. I’ve come a long way, but I know that aftercare is essential (been there, done that relapse thing). Within the first two days of work, my mentor has brought one common theme to the forefront:

My motivation for recovery is the determining factor in my success.

John Piper says, “God is most glorified in me, when I am most satisfied in Him.”

Simply put, God is all about God’s Esteem. My ultimate joy hinges on my full-time employment to Esteem Him. When I esteem my Father above my own will and success He will see to my good. That’s the essence of Romans 8:28.

Through A Woman’s Healing Journey, and Enhancing Your Marriage and through Immanuel Prayer I have discovered that God was absolutely intentional about making me Patrick Kelly’s wife. Therefore, my investment in this marriage and my determination for it’s success must be for God (its Creator’s) glory. If I am simply concerned with my happiness and our compatibility then I should probably have walked away a long time ago. BUT, as I have strive hard toward God and He nudges me closer to my husband I am finding that I am more complete and joyful than I have ever been. Oh the goodness of God!

So, whether I eat or drink (conquering anorexia), whether you wed or choose singleness, whether I do anything at all, it must be for God’s glory if it is to succeed.

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2012/01/11/new-magazine-editorial-highlights-shocking-differences-between-plus-size-and/?intcmp=obnetwork

With the utmost humility, I am pleased to announce that due to the Holy Spirit’s intervention, the Son’s intercession and the Father’s grace, we have emerged stronger than before! Thanks be to God. God taught me numerous things over these past two weeks but I think I can best sum them all up in three words: Esteem, Endurance and Empathy.

Let’s start with Empathy. I just discovered the primary difference between the friendships that I really enjoy and those that are peripheral to my joy and personal growth. Imagine a conversation that goes like this.

Person 1: HI! I’m so glad I caught you! I’m going to be driving for the next three hours, so I thought I catch up with you.

Person 2: That’s great, thanks for calling.

Person 1: So tell me, how are you?

Person 2: I’m great, blah, blah, blah…. By the way, what’s going on in your life?

Person 1: Oh nothing. I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go.

That may not be a self-explanatory example, but what if that conversation repeats itself every single time Person 1 calls you? They are minutely interested in your life, knowing your struggles and daily details, but as soon as you seek reciprocation, they curl into a spiny little ball and roll desperately away from you? You just bared your soul, or at the very least, shared from your true self, and yet they repeatedly prove that they don’t trust you enough to do the same.

I have a couple of friends like this. Then, there are the relationships that go both ways. When I pour out my heart – full of joy or sorrow – they respond from their very depths. Empathy. They know how I feel. Even if they have never experienced my exact circumstances, they are comfortable wearing my shoes for the course of a conversation.

I have always prided myself (ooohh… that’s a no no) on being a good friend. I love to listen to people. I long to help bear their burdens. I’ve even joked that I must have the phrase, “Talk to me,” written across my forehead. But that’s not enough. We’ve all heard that, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Very true, but is there such a thing as too much listening?

Where do the ears meet the heart? Can the heart express itself through facial expressions or words of self-divulgence?

It’s easy to sympathize; to let someone poor themselves out in the space between us and then respond with, “I’m so sorry.” But, I submit to you that your friendship will go deeper, your words be heard more clearly and your own heart be more buoyed by joy, if instead of sympathizing, you Empathize.  Be vulnerable. Share your joys and pains. Let the cards away from your chest. Relax your poker face. Be willing to be known.

After all, isn’t that what Jesus did?